


Longing

by everythingisconnected



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alcohol, Anxiety | Virgil Sanders Needs a Hug, Anxious Anxiety | Virgil Sanders, Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders In Love, Cuddling & Snuggling, Drunken Confessions, Drunken Kissing, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, Kissing, Love Confessions, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, Touch-Starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2020-11-21
Packaged: 2021-03-10 08:13:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,130
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27650045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everythingisconnected/pseuds/everythingisconnected
Summary: Roman would pat his shoulder affectionately. Patton would grab his hands in excitement. Logan was just himself, never really touching anyone. The obvious exception was Patton, who was always throwing himself at all of them.But every time this happened, he was briefly winded and his stomach went all warm and fuzzy.(+ Background Logicality)
Relationships: Anxiety | Virgil Sanders/Creativity | Roman "Princey" Sanders, Logic | Logan Sanders/Morality | Patton Sanders
Comments: 9
Kudos: 123





	Longing

**Author's Note:**

> TW for descriptions of touch starvation, self hatred, anxiety descriptions, getting drunk/alcohol
> 
> uhhhh this isn't a vent fic?? not at all?? i would never
> 
> yes it's a vent fic i wrote at early hours of the morning, but with a prinxiety spin

Hours later, and Virgil was still fixated on that fleeting few seconds.

It was ridiculous, he was ridiculous. It was nothing new, he was anxiety personified after all. But he never did enjoy gaining something new that made him anxious.

Maybe it’d been there for a while, but it was only recently he’d started noticing it.

Roman would pat his shoulder affectionately. Patton would grab his hands in excitement. Logan was just himself, never really touching anyone. The obvious exception was Patton, who was always throwing himself at all of them. 

But every time this happened, he was briefly winded and his stomach went all warm and fuzzy.

Touching wasn’t really a common form of affection between the sides, obviously other than Patton. Virgil did kind of wish more of it was aimed at him instead of Logan. Although he did suspect Patton meant his affections towards Logan a little more than platonic, which he didn’t wish for from a father figure.

He’d been piling himself under blankets, headphones on to drown out his thoughts. The weight of the blankets calmed him, as he clutched a pillow to his chest. Maybe these were related somehow.

No matter how much he craved a hug from Patton, Roman was the one he thought about most. His head on the prince’s chest as he played with his hair. Wrapping an arm tightly around him, letting all his anxieties drain away. The ache in his chest tightened whenever he thought about it. Sometimes it’d get so painful he’d have to have a long, boiling hot shower or blast music in his headphones for hours to ignore it.

The thought of asking anyone for affection made him want to cry. How desperate, how pathetic he would sound. They’d think he was some kind of clingy mess, laugh at him, and wouldn't want to spend time with him again. All the anxieties would pile up and make the words die in his throat before he could even think about asking.

Him and Roman bickered so often, even if it was mostly friendly, but why would the handsome prince ever stoop so low for someone like him? His fantasies were unrealistic. Being swept into his arms and held there, the pressure instantly calming him. Holding his hand and knowing someone was there, beside him, who loved and cared for him. Cuddling into his side as they watched Disney movies, fighting the whole time about perspectives. The fact that just a small shoulder or arm touch from Roman sent his senses crazy, he wondered how much better a hug or cuddle could be. Or in a dream world, a kiss.

He was venturing dangerously into unrealistic fantasy land, which meant time to sleep and hope he woke up with the ache in his chest gone, even for a little.

-

It’d been someone’s idea, probably Remus’, to get drunk that night. 

Virgil had gladly accepted. Anything that gave him a chance to ignore his anxious thoughts was appreciated.

He was giggling to himself as Roman sat on the other end of the couch belting Disney songs, while Patton had perched himself on Logan’s lap on the adjacent couch. If he were sober, Virgil would be internally breaking down over the fact that he very much wished he could have whatever Patton and Logan were having right now. But his drunk mind was too fixated on Roman to notice.

“Princeyyyy,” Virgil shuffled across the sofa. The room was starting to spin a little, and Roman was pretty.

“Emo, this better be important enough to justify interrupting my incredible singing,” Roman turned to him with a smirk. 

“You-” Fuck, the words died. The anxiety was still there, annoyingly enough. He hoped those stupid thoughts had gone, but apparently not entirely.

The prince raised an eyebrow.

“Pretty,” Virgil managed to get out. “Hair.”

What the hell was that? His eyeshadow turned an even darker shade, if that were possible.

“Virge, I think you need to get some rest. You’re- you’re saying things you don’t mean.”

Virgil frowned. “But you are.”

“I’m pretty hair?”

“Yeah,” Virgil grinned dopily. “You- you have.”

Maybe it was the alcohol that was making it look like Roman was blushing. He was starting to think, hey, if I end up doing anything weird, I can blame it on being drunk. Roman wouldn't know he was serious.

Maybe this was his chance to try and hug Roman.

If it went wrong, he could blame it on being drunk.

If it went right, well, that would make him incredibly happy. 

“What has a prince like me done to deserve a compliment like that from such a handsome fellow?” Roman was leaning forward, and fuck, his hand was on Virgil’s cheek.

His brain short circuited. 

His eyes fell shut, and he was sure his face was burning hot.

He hadn’t even registered the fact that Roman had called him handsome.

“I- I know we fight, a lot,” Virgil murmured. “But you really are pretty.”

His face was now tomato red, anxiety screaming at him to shut up. But this time he’d chosen to ignore it, he had an excuse for the stuff he was saying if it all went wrong.

“You’re-” Roman was stumbling over his words. Maybe it was the alcohol. “You, really think- you’re serious?”

Without a second thought, Virgil launched himself into Roman’s arms. He buried his head in his chest and wrapped his arms around his waist.

Fuck.

He felt like he could cry. The instant calmness that washed over him was therapeutic; he felt the constant knot in his chest unravel and warmth fill his body.

Roman’s arms were sheepishly holding him. Virgil felt his cheek against his hair, and this, this was all he’d ever wanted.

He wasn’t reacting badly. He wasn’t pushing him away. He was just holding him.

Virgil seriously considered staying here for the rest of the night.

But eventually he’d be sober, and it’d be back to square one.

Too scared to ask for anything.

Alcohol was a blessing and a curse.

“Hey,” he heard Roman whisper. “What’s brought this on?”

Oh fuck, there it is. The inevitable rejection.

Why did he even trick himself into thinking Roman would want this too?

Reluctantly, he pulled away, biting his lip awkwardly. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to, um, invade your space.”

Roman frowned. “Sweet Virgil, I never said I wanted you to stop!”

“You- you don’t?”

“No, my love.”

My love.

Roman took his hand.

Virgil was about to combust.

“Your hands are shaking, sweetheart.”

What was bringing this on? What Roman trying to kill him?

“Are they? I- I’m sorry.”

“No need to apologise,” Roman put a hand on his arm this time. “I very much enjoy spending time with you.”

He’s just drunk. He doesn’t mean any of this. Maybe he feels sorry for me.

But damn, was he getting a shit ton of serotonin from these touches.

He never wanted it to stop.

“I find that hard to believe,” Virgil chuckled. “I’m, as you’ve said yourself, an emo mess.”

“A very dashing emo indeed.”

Virgil looked up to find Roman staring at him very intensely. His heart began to pound in his chest, cheeks flushing once again. 

They just stared into each other’s eyes, for a moment that felt like an hour.

Virgil was mesmerised.

Suddenly Roman was right in front of him, hands cupping his jaw.

“May I kiss you?”

Virgil audibly gasped, already overwhelmed by everything that was happening. All he could do was nod breathlessly, and the next second, Roman was kissing him.

Perhaps he’d died and gone to heaven. 

Roman was kissing him so softly and passionately Virgil felt as if he was having an out-of-body experience. Then he was pushing him back against the sofa by the shoulder and lying on top of him and every spark of anxiety he’d ever felt instantly melted out of his body. The pressure of Roman against his chest, his thumb stroking his cheek, his lips on his, and fuck, Virgil was crying. 

He couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt this level of pure content and joy.

Roman had pulled back and was pressing their foreheads together, wiping tears from his eyes.

“Oh sweetheart, is everything well? Have I done something- wrong?”

Virgil sniffed, trying to hide his embarrassment. Somehow, the joy he was feeling overshadowed any anxieties he had.

“I’m fine, Ro.”

“Your eyeshadow,” Roman’s eyes widened. “It’s purple.”

“It is?” Virgil grinned, then pulled Roman back into a kiss.

He was giggling from happiness while they kissed, which made Roman smile back against his lips and begin to press kisses all over his face.

“Do you know how long I’ve waited to see your smile?” He kissed Virgil’s nose, making him giggle again. “I knew you would look just as stunningly beautiful as ever.”

“Sh- shut up,” Virgil laughed, burying a hand in Roman’s soft hair. “I’m not.”

“Oh, but you are!” Roman kissed him again briefly. “It wounds me when you doubt yourself, my love.”

“I’m lame,” Virgil ran his hand across Roman’s cheek. “All I’ve done is annoy you, how can you think that?”

And there it was, the anxiety returning. Maybe the alcohol was leaving his system and letting it back in. He could almost feel his eyeshadow turn black again.

“Annoy me? You really are a fool sometimes,” Roman laughed, frowning when he noticed the eyeshadow change. “Janus annoys me. Is he the one I’m currently kissing?”

“N-no.”

“Then what would make you think that?”

“You’re drunk and I just threw myself at you, and you’re gonna hate me again tomorrow, you’ll think I’m clingy and weird and you’re probably just kissing me because you’re the romantic side and you’re drunk and I’m just here-”

“Oh Virge,” Roman wiped the tears that restarted. “You really have no idea, do you?”

“What?”

“I don’t just kiss anybody,” Roman leaned in close. “You were saying those things, and I thought you might actually return my feelings.”

“Return?” Virgil’s eyes widened. “You- you feel the same?”

“I’m very much in love with you.”

“I-” Virgil’s heart almost stopped. This couldn’t be happening. “You love me?”

“I believe I made it obvious that I do.”

“I love you too,” Virgil smiled shyly. “I’d never be able to say that sober.”

“Well, I do hope you’ll continue to say it now you know I feel the same,” Roman was blushing, and Virgil’s stomach was exploding with butterflies.

“I love you,” Virgil said again, making Roman smile widely, which made him smile in return. His eyeshadow was slowly turning purple again.

“And I love you,” Roman kissed him again, and they were kissing until they were both out of breath and Roman’s head was buried in Virgil’s shoulder.

“Can we do this all the time?” Virgil whispered. Roman moved from his shoulder, kissing his cheek on the way to plant his head on Virgil’s chest.

“Hm?”

“Can we, uh, cuddle, and kiss, and stuff, like more often?”

“Of course! I thought you’d never ask.”

“It makes me so calm,” Virgil rambled. “I’ve wanted it for so long.”

“Sweetheart, I had no idea,” Roman took his face in his hands again. Virgil sighed happily at the touch. 

“Yes, please do that more,” Virgil nuzzled into Roman’s hands. He felt so high, almost as if he’d inhaled every drug at the same time.

“I, too, was too nervous to make a move,” Roman admitted shyly, planting a kiss on Virgil’s forehead. “Which is very much unlike me.”

“Maybe it’s my influence,” Virgil chuckled. 

Roman laughed. “Perhaps. I believed you liked your own personal space, and didn’t wish to invade it.”

“The opposite, sometimes,” Virgil said, a little sadly. “It really helps my anxious thoughts.”

“Then be prepared to be unable to get rid of me!” Roman grinned, throwing his arms around Virgil and crushing him in a hug. 

Virgil wasn’t one to condone alcoholism, but maybe getting a little drunk sometimes helped him to have good things. Like the courage to actually express his feelings to his crush. And the fact that he now knew that whenever he needed physical contact, Roman would always be there. Maybe from now on, his anxious thoughts would be a little easier to keep at bay.

He was pretty sure Logan and Patton weren’t experiencing the same problem as he was, as several items of clothing including Patton’s blue shirt and Logan’s tie were strewn across their couch. The thought of whatever they were doing made Virgil want to throw up in his mouth a little, but if they were experiencing the kind of happiness that he experienced around Roman, then he was very much happy for them.

His eyeshadow was sparkling purple.

**Author's Note:**

> kudos and comments are always much appreciated <3


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